i got no crystal ball

it's weird being in an environment filled with people oblivious to your past and those you were associated with. it's so foreign to me to describe an event with my best friends in terms of "once my friends and i did this" and the listener has no idea. it's bizzarre.

where nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn

"things were good when we were young"

it may be that time of month or even that time of the year where i'm overwhelmed with melancholy emotions. seasonal depression? perhaps. or does the weather just force you to be inside, with less distractions, and confront reality.

i'm dissatisfied and incomplete. i feel that i'm not using my time wisely and i'm bored with repetition. everyday has become the same. eat, learn, eat, learn, eat, sleep or more along the lines of: eat, memorize, eat, memorize, sleep.

i feel like my day should consist of so much more and feelings of doubt has returned. is this where i want to be? is this where i imagined myself to be years ago? i'm just building a foundation for a successful future. i guess you start from the ground up, and the starting place isn't always ideal.

my week beats your year

i feel a sense of direction coming on and things are working on my time. a day after adulthood... 11/10/09 demonstrates backwards chronological order. it takes time to look back to move forward. a week later... the moon is in my sign. i feel ridiculous finding all these weird little correlations but i love finding them. my birthday is the 313th day of the year in which cambodia became independent from france; my origins. FUCKING WEIRD. 11/9/1991... the amount of 1's and 9's is 3. damn, my birthday must be significant. or others might say... crackhead.

too young

"I guess I couldn't live without the things that made my life what it is
Can't you hear it calling oh yeah
Everybody's shakin' oh yeah
Tonight everything is over
I feel too young"

17 years and 364 days into life. Tomorrow, November 9, 2009; marks a new year: a new beginning. I'm independent and in a fulfilling environment. I don't really know how I feel about the current situation I stand in. I'm too young for now, and I'll still be too young tomorrow. Live fast, die young. I'm always being told to "slow down" I'm moving too fast. But I'm soaring and whoever can keep up will do.

turning back time

halloween has ended - turning back time for daylight savings and a new month has begun. this is my month, my year, my life. it's november and i'm 8 days barely legal. i'm about two months into school and am having the time of my life. it's funny how you anticipate things to be so different than they actually turn out. always, i've been more of a seattle girl caught up in the "bright lights, big city" way of it all and here i am, in bellingham, in love more than ever. the mentality of it all is unbelievably great... where materials mean nothing and good company means everything.
i'm so excited for what's in store and am finding that balance to maintain a good life socially and academically.
i miss my family and friends, but i'm moving forward and nothing's holding me back. i can't wait to see where i am five years from now. this is just the beginning and it is so promising. i've made a good set of friends that i would've never expected four years ago. they're all there for me and appreciate the person i am unlike the superficial bullshit i dealt with with everyone besides bryce and olivia. i'm not as judgmental and certainly less concerned with what others think about me. i think i'm finally content... comfortable with the person i am... to an extent. once i know my place, and a specific destination i'm going i will be more satisfied. but for now, i'm just going in a positive direction that will eventually lead me to exactly where i want to be.