over & out

lost & confused... passing time.

nightmares

I had the most terribly vivid dream last night. It was about her soaked up in misery in a room of luxuries suffocating her. Her father was fucking insane. All I wanted was a bike and I caught myself trying to save her once again. The door was open and Bryce was waiting outside for her with Kris. She was helpless and indecisive so we were left inside. Her dad thought I was the reason for her previous drug intake and screamed looking for me so I crawled into the closet cowardly along with one of her cats.

He found me pretending to be asleep and he locked me in. I found a key but someone had beaten me to the race as I got let out. There she was, getting ready, with a mucus stained tub, bug-eyed, asking if I could stay out tonight and go to greek row. As if everything were normal.

Her dad came pounding at the door with rage you could hear towns away. He knocked it down as I scurried back into the closet pretending I'd never left. Suddenly, he was nice to her and wanted to play a game as he found a game of black magic within an envelope.

They entered the closet which transformed into a dungeon as we played with magical cards marked with decapitated heads.

I don't remember what else went on from there. I was trying to save her from her helplessness and habit of going back into the cycle of destruction.

time flies when you're having fun

i'm absolutely drained from dead week and final exams. stupidly, i got 30 minutes of sleep the night before an 8 am final and test. i decided to move on post-thanksgiving break from him who is far from compatible with me. oddly enough, i met someone the weekend of. and since... we haven't spent a day apart. i don't know what to do. i like him so much and don't want to hurt the other.

i got no crystal ball

it's weird being in an environment filled with people oblivious to your past and those you were associated with. it's so foreign to me to describe an event with my best friends in terms of "once my friends and i did this" and the listener has no idea. it's bizzarre.

where nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn

"things were good when we were young"

it may be that time of month or even that time of the year where i'm overwhelmed with melancholy emotions. seasonal depression? perhaps. or does the weather just force you to be inside, with less distractions, and confront reality.

i'm dissatisfied and incomplete. i feel that i'm not using my time wisely and i'm bored with repetition. everyday has become the same. eat, learn, eat, learn, eat, sleep or more along the lines of: eat, memorize, eat, memorize, sleep.

i feel like my day should consist of so much more and feelings of doubt has returned. is this where i want to be? is this where i imagined myself to be years ago? i'm just building a foundation for a successful future. i guess you start from the ground up, and the starting place isn't always ideal.

my week beats your year

i feel a sense of direction coming on and things are working on my time. a day after adulthood... 11/10/09 demonstrates backwards chronological order. it takes time to look back to move forward. a week later... the moon is in my sign. i feel ridiculous finding all these weird little correlations but i love finding them. my birthday is the 313th day of the year in which cambodia became independent from france; my origins. FUCKING WEIRD. 11/9/1991... the amount of 1's and 9's is 3. damn, my birthday must be significant. or others might say... crackhead.

too young

"I guess I couldn't live without the things that made my life what it is
Can't you hear it calling oh yeah
Everybody's shakin' oh yeah
Tonight everything is over
I feel too young"

17 years and 364 days into life. Tomorrow, November 9, 2009; marks a new year: a new beginning. I'm independent and in a fulfilling environment. I don't really know how I feel about the current situation I stand in. I'm too young for now, and I'll still be too young tomorrow. Live fast, die young. I'm always being told to "slow down" I'm moving too fast. But I'm soaring and whoever can keep up will do.