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here i am at home again. its unbelievable that a month has elapsed since the journey of a lifetime in which ive accomplished so little with so much to show for and vice versa. my appreciations and perspectives altered, this metamorphosis has encouraged me to grow and recognize the areas ive been living childishly.

within the two weeks i stayed in southern france, i became acquainted with various people as well as myself. its been so long since ive experienced the freedom from loneliness. i indulged in the beauty of france as i leisurely strolled with no plans and "the dharma bums", rhodia notebook, and pen by my side.

its mind-boggling how much more satisfied and complete i felt aimlessly walking around france in comparison to my current hectic schedule completing useless tasks that dont expand or benefit me in any way. i was forced to focus on me without the distractions i have here.

in cannes, i met simon on the "Mr. M" yacht who spontaneously lives life "going with the flow" who motivated me to enjoy the simplicities in life. 30 years old, having lived in iceland, england, canada, new york... drives me to travel and gain exposure to the cultures of the world many ignore. i dont want to be an ignorant fool who takes this "comfortable" american lifestyle for granted. with his rolled american spirits, blue eyes, and charm... we ended the night/morning with a peck ill never forget.

in mandelieu, i met nargesse who was everything i thought i wanted to be; captivating, intelligent, beautiful, ambitious, and in the field of public relations working from france and montreal. however, she was a workaholic with a glint in her eyes that told me she wasnt happy putting love after wealth.

upon arrival, i was caught off guard with a nice surprise. ive found someone im open and honest with and have developed true feelings for. considering ive only been here for two weeks and leave for college in a month, the likeliness of it all working out remains unknown. i havent felt like this about someone ever and im well aware of the potential as well as being young and impressionable. i refuse to overestimate or understimate the seriousness of our relationship... but i cant help but wonder about what the future with him entails. helplessly/hopelessly, im a fucking realist and always catch myself thinking about the ending before the beginning even really begins.

i dont feel the butterflies i usually get for mindless flings. im lost in admiration for his intelligence and drive, and for once, im being challenged and learning from his wisdom. i never wouldve imagined this wouldve happened... especially not now.

everything happens for a reason and although this isnt the most convenient timing... it will work out if it was meant to be.