blood - alternate lives

im not as family-oriented as id like to be for friends and fun are shamefully first priority. this 18 day stay has forced me to participate in many family activities that have given me a sense of completion as well as incompletion. ive learned about my roots and about my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmother, and father. my grandma; a great, frugile woman caught up in 80 year old gossip was abandoned by her father, her only parent, and her husband later died while she was pregnant with tata. my uncle, thannory, a chain smoking artist in secrecy dedicated to cambodia is caught up in the competition of status. his wife, my aunt, miserable at home with nothing else to do but obsess about but her children's safety and her appearance. my cousins, jonathan is waiting to escape the chains of the suburbs for the parisian lifestyle in the city; anthony is content with what he has and manages to balance two lifestyles without giving in to the common pressure of his friends; rebecca, a curious one, doesnt dare to question the boundaries. shes seventeen and lives the life i fought and knew until the age of fourteen. with a heart of gold and greater mentality - she "cant" and doesnt push the limits. many of her interests are identical to mine but her lack of exposure has made it impossible for her to view the other side i find so appealing and the greed that accompanies it. i got a taste and i wanted more, more, more. while she envies me for the freedom ive managed to attain i envy her for the simplicity of her life. i envy her for having that young, curious mind without the need of substance to be occupied with temporary happiness.
ive always wanted more all of the time. more, more, more. but this time around, i want less.